Well. I've been hard at work on my 101 list so far. Also I have decided to do several things this year if it kills me . I'm trying to get into a nursing program so I can be a LPN. It's a 12 month course and after I finish it and get a job as an LPN I want to take the RN course to go to the next level.
The other thing I want to accomplish is getting my driver's license. I'm 24 and it is about fucking time. I'm tired of being carted everywhere by my grandma. It really cramps my style , lol. I've gotten my permit before and that was easy. I'm just terrified of taking the road test. I get so nervous under scrutiny. I get so nervous driving at all , actually.
But I'm just going to have to take a risk and go for it. If I don't I won't ever be able to be independent. And I soo want to be independent.

All of these plans make me nervous. I constantly worry about things. Whether I'm going to succeed or fail . I hate screwing up. It's part of my perfectionist tendencies. I always want to be the best and I'm afraid to even try anything if I don't think I'll be the best. I have the "all or nothing " error in my head.

Some things I have to just accept. I must accept that I won't always be the best of everything and that I will make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Another thing I must accept is that my mother will never be there for me. For years I begged her to help me. For years she promised she would . But every time that I ask her to help me she refuses. She is always telling me that I will fail and that I will never accomplish anything of merit. I'm so tired of her . I have to just write her off. Even though she is my mother , because of her mental and emotional abuse , as well as her little problem that she has  , I don't think I'll ever be able to trust her again. I just need to keep my distance. I will always love her . But she will not control my life and kill my dreams just because she is bitter and angry.

Enough of my whining though.
I'm going to make something of myself!