It's been a while since my last post. A lot has been going on in my life and things are changing so fast I have a hard time keeping up. I was accepted to the university I applied to and made a great score on the entrance exam. This will be the first time I'm out on my own and it kind of scares me , but I have to just face my fears and go ahead with it.
I decided to major in web design. it's something creative and I think I'd really enjoy a job doing that. I guess I'm just frightened that I won't be able to find work when I graduate. It's scary out there sometimes.
My health lately has not been so well. I went to an endrocrinologist and was told that I have something called Polycystic Ovarian syndrome , caused by insulin resistance. The Dr. put me on a special diet and told me to lose weight to help some of my symptoms go away. The blood work showed that I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency and I was put on some special vitamins that I must take once a week for 3 months.
Unfortunatly I am also suffering from a staph infection and the beginnings of a sinus/ear infection. Blah.
I've been really intensely pursuing my interests in visual art . I think i am becoming obsessed with drawing. Art is becoming so important to me. I browse DeviantArt compulsively and watch way too many people. I'm dabbling in watercolors and drawing animals at the moment. I find that if I "warm up" before drawing something complex , I tend to be more successful. I'm working my way through the "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain Workbook". It's a really great book and it has helped me a lot. Particularly the negative space drawing and the concept of the basic unit. I'm still not able to produce an exact photorealistic likeness , but I am doing much better. I have begun to take more time with my art also , which is something I had trouble with when I was younger. I just rushed through everything and this really made my work crappy.
I haven't been writing at all. I don't understand why I can draw , but I cannot write. I just sit there and stare at a blank screen. I think one reason is that I think very visually and have difficulty converting these "visions" into words that accurately describe what I am thinking of. Perhaps i am not meant to be a writer. I can do very very well on some essay that i am assigned in school , but when it comes to writing something on my own I am very bad at it. I cannot think of words to say , and I cannot describe things that I imagine. Also , I think I hate writing . It is a miserable thing , whereas when I am drawing , I get into a flow, almost a trance even . With writing it is like pulling teeth jsut to construct a sentence. I don't WANT to write. I don't want to worry about apostrophes and semicolons and whether I used the right word or punctuation. I understand it , in fact I made a 98 on the Writing part of the entrance exam I took for college. It's not that I am ignorant , it is that I don't give a shit about it. All those things interfere with my thought process and the flow of ideas. Visualizations do not translate to words for me. I have no idea why.
So therefore : I enjoy drawing , want to draw , and I'm relatively good at it (at least I'm improving anyways).
I HATE writing , avoid it like the plague , but I'm good at it in certain situations (such as an academic setting).
It makes sense that I should focus on imrpoving my drawing/painting skills and abandon writing . The only problem with that some of my ideas are too complex for drawing , and to accurately describe everything about them , I'd have to write something.
Mainly these are my character ideas. I have thought of actually converting some of my character ideas into roleplaying and using them in a game setting , so that i may explore these characters in my mind. Also creating a graphic novel , or a series of paintings that tells a narrative is soemthing i have thought about.
My new obsessions are : the new Star Trek movie , the actor Michael Sheen , Paramore , Vulcans , and Twilight. Yay, I'm such a nerd. LAtely I've been getting away from reading books and getting more into watching films and tv and reading comics/manga. I used to look down on people who did such things , but lately I think I am just burnt out on reading. I think the only thing I could stand to read for fun at the moment would be something simple like Twilight , some YA novel like Harry Potter , or some Star Trek tie in where I already know the characters and the world. Other things are just getting to be hard work and take a bit too much mental energy. I think I need to get away from reading for a while and focus on other things. I probably also need to get rid of some of my 300 book library. I want to get caught up on some of my favorite shows and movies and manga. I think one reason I enjoy drawing is because I can watch a DVD and do it , or TV , or listen to music whereas when I am writing I can't stand any distraction at all.
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calm
cant sleep